In the Absence of My Flower Girl
by Sadhana
Summary: After Advent Children, Cloud has to come to terms with his loss. Looking back on his memories, he seeks out what he lost while those he cares about just want him to live his life. Cleris. Please read and review.
1. A Confession In Church

In the Absence of My Flower Girl

Cloud ruffled his blond locks as he slipped his hand through his hair, the meat of his palms calloused by the incessant rubbing against the handle of a sword. Tapping his foot, he felt fidgety. He was never one to be pent up with energy, but he just felt as though it had been too long since he'd last seen her. Yes, it had been too long. Her presence was addictive.

Sitting at his desk, Cloud glanced down at the small bouquet of yellow daisies that lay in front of him. Their cheery faces reminded him of her cheery smile. He brought the flowers to his nose, nostrils widened to take in their gentle aroma. His mind was washed of all anxiety. He drew in their very essence, each flower-perfumed breath not passing his lungs but his heart. His soul felt soothed with every reminder of the field.

"Cloud?" a familiar voice said from the doorway. Cloud quickly dropped the daisies back onto his desk and turned in his chair. Tifa stood there looking both tired and concerned. "It's so late. Why are you still up?"

"Oh, I..." Cloud paused. The snapshots of the field that lay scattered over his desk were suspended on the cliff of his peripheral vision. Out of the corner of his eye, he glanced at them before turning his focus back to Tifa. "I was just having some trouble sleeping." Tifa's bare feet smacked softly across the floor as she walked closer towards him.

"I'll make you a tea to help you fall asleep if you'd like," she offered as she took a pause in her steps.

"No, no. You were sleeping. Sorry I woke you." Tifa dropped her gaze to the daisies sitting on the desk.

"Okay, just try to get some sleep, alright?" Tifa asked in her usual worried manner. Cloud nodded half-knowingly. She walked away to her room as Cloud continued to stare down at the dozens of yellow flower fields captured in the pictures on his desk. He ran his fingers over their glossy surfaces.

Cloud sighed deeply before turning off his desk lamp. He had completely forgotten all about the time. This was becoming such a common occurrence... losing track of time at his desk. He could sense Tifa's concern, but it somehow didn't quite reach him.

An hour after the sun had risen the next morning, Tifa sat at the table. She sighed in rueful frustration as she mechanically ate her breakfast. Ever since everything with Kadaj, Cloud had become more open. He laughed; he smiled; he was like a different person. But he would still disappear for days at a time without saying where he was going or when he'd come back. Even if it wasn't related to work, he'd still vanish for long periods of time on his Fenrir. Every time his spirit seemed to diminish a bit, he'd go away to wherever it was that he went. When he'd come back, he was suddenly full of happiness again.

Tifa didn't know why it pained her; she always wanted Cloud to be happy. She rested her chin in her gloved palm. Of course she wanted Cloud to be happy. But she wanted to be a part of Cloud's life. Wherever he went on his Fenrir, it clearly made him more lighthearted, but why couldn't he just tell her about it? Her unwomanishly toned biceps muscles flexed as she curled her hands into a set of fists. There was no need to be jealous. So Cloud had some sort of world on his own. Why should she be jealous of that? Because she wasn't a part of it?

The sound of Cloud coming down the steps jolted Tifa out of her contemplative state.

"I made breakfast for you," Tifa stated with a smile as Cloud reached the landing.

"Thanks," he replied impartially as he grabbed a plate and sat down. "I have to get going, so I don't think I can finish all this."

"Who are you delivering to?" Tifa asked half-expecting the answer that she wanted to deny was already coming.

"No one... I... just have to go. I'll be back later." With that statement, Tifa's tactfulness succumbed to her fears.

"Why won't you just tell me!" Tifa yelled with more sadness than frustration. Cloud looked up at her, puzzled.

"What?"

"Where is it that you disappear to for days at a time?"

"I just have things I have to deal with." Cloud stood up and left, his plate just as full as it was before he sat down.

..-+-..

Cloud's heavy boots strode down the dilapidated aisle. The aged wood moaned from beneath his feet with each step. A current of air flowing through the church made the surface of the Lifestream pool bob slowly up and down in a rolling series of miniature waves. The water slapped up against the wood perimeter of the pool in weak agitation. He sighed deeply.

Cloud took a seat in one of the pews, and made it creak under the weight of his muscles. He slumped down, lazily throwing his feet far out in front of him and allowing his head to fall back. The sounds of a busy Midgar seeped into the church, but Cloud payed no attention. All he could think about was Aerith... the gentle flower girl who he longed for every minute of the day.

He looked up at the tall, angular roof. A bird sat perched on the wood frame up in the ceiling- a wood frame that he once escaped from the Turks on. The bird looked from side to side in a paranoid manner before flapping away. Cloud squinted as a bright pillar of sunlight shone in through a large hole in the roof, illuminating particles of dust and dirt floating on the air.

Everything was so at peace here. It used to be that he would come to the church because it was the only place where the burden of his past felt lighter. But things were different now. _He_ was different now. Memories no longer haunted him. And he knew that she would always be with him. But he still wanted to feel that proximity to her. The church- where she had grown flowers in a city where nothing could grow, where she had spent most of her time, where he had met her in the first place- was a reminder of her ever abounding empathy, her unwavering ability to comfort him when he never thought he could be healed, and her love that she plentifully radiated upon him without question... even after death. He had accepted the physical loss of what was precious to him, but he understood that it was not her end. Aerith would always be a part of him, no matter how much time passed. Maybe he didn't know why, but he felt as though he was bound to her by a metaphysical yet paradoxically tangible force. She would always be with him... always. So why did he still have to come here?

Cloud buried his face in the rough skin of his palms. _He missed her_. It was as simple as that. It was as torturously unchangeable as that. Yes, the church _did_ make him feel better for at least a brief enough amount of time. But it was no comparison to being near her. No comparison to having the liberty of reaching up and touching her face. Having the liberty of brushing a lock of hair away from her forehead to reveal her spirited green eyes. Having the liberty of just... holding her. Why did he have to take it for granted when he had the chance? If only he had known, everything would've been different. He wouldn't have been so slow in realizing his feelings, and he wouldn't have been shy about it either. Pulling his face away from his hands, Cloud threw himself against the back of the pew in irascibility. Why couldn't he have just told her how he felt? He wished that she was there... physically there... so he could just tell her everything.

"...Aerith," he began confessing to the walls of the empty church. "I have so much to tell you. But I... don't know how to say it all. I guess I'll try. So, Aerith... I've really missed you all these years. Dammit, that sounded stupid. Let me start over. Well, since you've been... uhh... gone, something's just been driving me crazy. Maybe it's selfish, but why did you have to summon Holy? Couldn't there have been another way? No, this is coming out wrong... You saved the planet. You saved everyone. I should be thankful for that. But did it have to be a sacrifice? I just... regret it. If you had just let me come with you... Oh, shit! I'm not blaming you! I don't know who I'm blaming, really. Fate?" Was it... fate? Cloud paused for a moment to recollect his thoughts. He didn't want to sound like a rambling fool.

"It's pretty cruel, isn't it, Aerith? Why did it have to be you? Someone so caring, so full of life, so... comforting. But even if you hadn't been the last Cetra, I guess you still wouldn't have let anyone else risk themselves that way. You were always stubborn like that. If there was another Cetra, you would've stolen the White Materia from them and run off to the Forgotten City alone. So I guess there was no alternative after all... Yeah, it _is_ pretty cruel," Cloud trailed off in his thoughts. Saying that would only upset Aerith. He gathered up his words again and continued with the conversation.

"Hey, I was wondering, do you ever wish you could change what happened? If you had the chance, would you go back? You probably wouldn't. You're selfless enough to just think about how your life was given for the planet. You would ignore the actual loss of yourself in the eyes of what was achieved in return. Would I go back and change it? Yeah, I would... I'm not sure what I would do, but I would've done something. I guess that's why I used to blame myself so much. But I'm okay with that now. You want me to be okay with it, so I am. I have to live for you, but, in the end... I still miss you... I'm sorry. I know that you'll always be a part of me. It's just that... ya know, I miss having you around all the time. Sometimes, I feel like I'm alone even though I know that you're with me. Where ever you are right now, I want to be there. I don't care if that's in the Promised Land, the Lifestream, or hell. I want to be with you." Suddenly realizing what he was saying, Cloud stopped. Aerith wanted him to be okay. She didn't want him to be brooding like this.

"...I'm sorry. You probably don't like me talking like this. You're a part of me now. I won't let myself forget that. Every day I feel like you're not around, I'll remind myself that you're with me no matter what. _No matter what_. I know I can't feel your presence like I may want to, but at least we'll always be together in some way. Right...? I can't take that for granted. But I still need these breaks from everything every once in a while. Back at Seventh Heaven, I have my family and my friends. But I still need these times... to be alone with you. That's okay, isn't it? Thanks... Aerith." Still sitting in the pew, Cloud lay down on it, one of his legs hanging off the side. Was Aerith with him right now? Of course she was. Maybe she didn't hear him, but they were bound to each other. He hoped that she knew what he was feeling. Looking up at the ceiling, he smiled as his eyes met a large hole in the roof. As he blissfully remembered that day, Cloud fell fast asleep.

He remembered...

Everything was dark, and it all sounded like muted echos as if he were underwater. He groaned in pain.

"Hellooooooo, you okay?" a voice that sounded very far away seemed to whisper. Was it his imagination? He was feeling dizzy. He didn't even know where he was. The last thing he remembered was falling from the Sector plate. A battle. AVALANCHE.

Opening his eyes, the brightness of the room felt as though it were blinding. His hearing returned as the water that had seemingly clogged his ears drained away.

"Pretty bad fall you had there," the voice from before remarked.

"Ohhh, my head." Cloud grimaced against the poignancy as he pulled himself up. He turned to address the voice, but he found himself slightly stunned. Kneeling there next to him was a girl around his age. A halo of beauty radiating down on her and a veil of light thrown over her, she looked like an angel. Her long pink skirt folded at her knees and cascaded down her calves, unbuttoned enough to show just a bit of thigh. In a way, it was almost an ironic portrayal of innocence. Here was this girl with pink ribbons in her double helix braid and a long pink skirt that reached to her ankles. At the same time, she wore that skirt unbuttoned to a provokingly high length up her long legs with a pair of, to say the least, not-quite-feminine boots. She was definitely not what he had expected to see. Suddenly struck with the fact that he was staring at her, Cloud looked away, masking a slight blush.

"You okay? I think my flowers broke your fall," the girl said in a voice that displayed concern while disguising a laugh. Not really yet able to grasp every word she was saying but instead the tone of her voice, Cloud wondered why she might need to cover up a laugh in the first place.

"Did I do something funny?" The girl's eyes widened with wonderment before they melted into a smile.

"Oh, no. It's just that before you fell on my flowers you fell on top of _me_," she said, preceding a restrained strain of laughter. Cloud chewed the sentence over in his head before finally understanding what she was saying. ..._before you fell on my flowers_...Suddenly realizing that he was killing her flowers, Cloud jumped up and out of the flower bed.

"I'm so sorry! For landing on your flowers and ... on top of you," he apologized.

"That's okay. I don't normally blame unconscious people for where they land," she said. The girl crawled over to where Cloud had landed. Some of the flowers were crushed while others were lucky enough to have escaped with a couple of broken petals. She did all she could to mend them before standing up to Cloud's level. She studied his face for a moment, analyzing every crease. Cloud wasn't very used to it, but he didn't really mind it either. The girl clasped her hands behind her back, and leaned her front half towards him just a little bit.

"Remember me?" With that simple statement, Cloud's memory suddenly rushed back to him. Yes, he had seen her before. She was the girl who sold him a flower.

"Yeah, you're the flower girl."

"That's right! I'm so glad you remembered. I've been selling flowers for a few years now, but it never seems to pay off much. I guess it doesn't matter. I love it here. They say you can't grow anything in the slums, but the flowers grow in this church easily enough." The girl turned away from Cloud, and looked down lovingly at the flowers she had been able to yield from the ashen earth of Midgar. It had been many years since Cloud had seen a flowerbed. He wasn't even sure he remembered how long it had been. "My name's Aerith, by the way," she stated as she turned back to look him in the eye.

"Cloud," he replied with counterfeit nonchalance.

"So, do you fall through church roofs often, Cloud?"

"I'm a mercenary, and I got in the wrong place at the wrong time. I fell from the Sector plate," he explained.

"A mercenary? What kind of things do you do?"

"Anything, really. If it pays."

"Jack of all trades. I see," Aerith commented. She paused for a moment as her eyebrows twisted into something slightly pensive. "Hey, Cloud. Have you ever been a bodyguard?"


	2. Hopes and Wishes

The hectic and broken flow of the workload at Seventh Heaven did nothing but further add to Tifa's anxieties the day that Cloud left. Between a multitude of drunken customers blathering about their wives and the three different bouts that erupted, Tifa felt like she was stuck smack down in the middle of a zoological menagerie. Normally, it wouldn't have bothered her much. After all, who comes to a bar to practice teetotalism? But with everything going on with the man she loved, the day became almost unbearable.

By day's end, Tifa closed up, and washed all the glasses and dishes silently in the bar sink. Even with two young children upstairs, the place felt awful lonely without Cloud. Standing over the sink, Tifa focused on the sound of the clinking glasses instead of her heavyheartedness. If only she had approached Cloud pragmatically instead of with her emotions, maybe he wouldn't have closed himself off to her. Maybe if he just knew how she felt. But Tifa ultimately decided that it wouldn't have made a difference whether or not he was aware of her... fondness for him. _His_ feelings would be the same either way, whatever those were, and he still would have left without saying where to.

As Tifa finished her cleaning chores, she filled her lungs with air and exhaled. Looking out a small window, she could tell that it was fairly late. Cloud hadn't come back. Then it was sure; he wasn't to return for several days. Shaking her head in dismay, Tifa realized that although she had anticipated this disappointment, she still never loosened her grip on the faint hope that perhaps Cloud was only on a day-long excursion. Hell, she would _still_ probably have an uneasy sleep that night, wondering to herself whether or not she should've left the door unlocked for Cloud. Hope just let all of life's letdowns feel more bitter. Extra salt on the wound. Tifa knew that as long as her mind was unoccupied, she would continuously have hopes about Cloud's return. And those hopes would only be the spiteful outsider that would laugh at her when her wishes weren't fulfilled. She had to keep herself busy.

Tossing the dishtowel in her grip onto the counter, she took a moment to observe her conical fingertips, pruned by the prolonged submersion in water.

Tifa walked up the stairs, and paused in front of Marlene and Denzel's closed bedroom door. They were probably asleep already. But she felt bad for having not tucked them in. So as to not wake them but still kiss their small foreheads goodnight, she slipped her feet free of her black boots. While making as little noise as she could, Tifa turned the smooth knob, and pushed the door gently forwards. She tiptoed into the room to find that Marlene and Denzel were indeed asleep. The room was silent except for their soft, rhythmic breathing and a few distance voices from outside. She crept up to Denzel's bedside, and planted a nearly impalpable kiss on his forehead. After running her hands gently through his unkempt sandy-brown hair, she approached Marlene. She kissed her forehead, and pulled the covers up to Marlene's neck. As she walked towards the door to leave, a soft stirring interrupted her steps. A child's gentle groan of waking.

"Tifa?" Marlene's voice called out in a whisper through the darkened room.

"Yeah, it's me," Tifa responded, creeping over to Marlene's bedside, and kneeling there next to her. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"Is Cloud home?" Marlene's tired voice asked. The reminder of worries about Cloud pulled Tifa's head down for a moment. Perhaps there was no avoiding thinking about him and having hopes.

"No," Tifa said. Marlene let out a soft whimper. She turned over away from Tifa, and adjusted herself comfortably under the blankets.

"I wonder if he saw Sister again," Marlene murmured more to herself than purposefully out loud. Tifa's attention suddenly shot forward. Sister? ...Aerith? What did Cloud being gone have anything to do with Aerith? Did Marlene know something that she didn't?

"What do you mean, Marlene?" she whispered.

"Before he left last time, he said that he remembered Sister in a dream. I think that's why he left." Tifa rose to her feet. So did Cloud leave because of Aerith? But then why wouldn't he have just told her about it? She had loved Aerith as well, and she had been deeply grieved by her death too. But then why hadn't Cloud shared his pain over Aerith with her? They had been living together for all these years. He must've trusted her by now. Of course he did. And yet... he had failed to mention this detail to her at all.

Lost in painful thoughts, she left the room for Marlene to fall back asleep. After readying herself for bed, she crawled under the covers, and attempted to merge into sleep with little avail.

Cloud knew how much Tifa was affected by Aerith's death. He _saw_ her run off in tears that day. He knew just as well as everybody that Tifa had loved Aerith like a sister. How could she not? Aerith was a wonderful person. She had coddled all of Tifa's fears and matured them into hopes whenever she had most needed a trustworthy sister. _Everyone_ had loved Aerith. It wasn't like Cloud was alone in his grief. If that's what was making him leave for long periods of time, why did he have to face his pain alone? Why couldn't they talk about it and confront it together? All this time, Cloud had expressed what he was thinking to her much more frequently than he had in the past. Yet he never mentioned Aerith. Maybe he thought about her, but he never mentioned her. If Marlene was right, and he was leaving because of her, why hadn't he ever said anything?

From the safety of her bed, Tifa glanced out the window up at a gibbous moon. She hoped that where ever Cloud might be, that moon was watching over her him. She hoped that whatever pain Cloud might have would leave his closed heart alleviated. She hoped that Cloud's wishes were never left unfulfilled. He didn't deserve to be filled with so much grief and no one to talk to about it. Hope might leave Tifa empty-handed, but if her tiny hopes had the chance of being what made the difference in Cloud's happiness, the plausible pain would be worth it.

..-+-..

As noon approached, Cloud stirred from his light sleep in Aerith's church. His leg still lolled over the side of the pew. He flailed his arms into the air as he sat up and yawned. His eyes, weary with fatigue, met the pool of Lifestream water across from him. Even after these many months, yellow and white petals still floated across the surface as a memorial to the flowerbed that once lay there. That day he first met Aerith, it didn't make much sense that colorful, healthy flowers could bloom in Midgar as if they were completely ignorant to the environment in which they were raised. But he understood now. Aerith had called the Lifestream forth from deep in the planet to stir underneath the flowerbed. That's why the flowers could grow. Her gifts as a Cetra only made her the more appealing, and now only the more longed for.

Cloud recalled the evening spent at Cosmo Canyon. The night that he learned about Lifestream and heard what Aerith could hear congenitally: the Planet...

Cloud stood before Cosmo Candle. The others were all huddled comfortably around the flickering fire as sparks ascended into heaven and the sky turned purple from a cranberry setting sun that was on the verge of disappearing beyond the horizon completely. Aerith sat there with her lean legs folded beneath her, staring contemplatively into the bonfire. It wasn't like her to be completely serious, and it made Cloud a little nervous. Even the girl who was lively in every situation was coerced into solemnity by the gravity of the threat weighing upon the planet. Not only Shinra but Sephiroth.

He approached her slowly but found that her gaze didn't deviate from the flame. For a moment, Cloud thought that maybe she just wanted to be left alone before he decided to confront her anyway. He sat on the hard ground next to her, his knees stretched out but slightly bent, and turned to face her. Finding himself at a loss of words, he flushed a bit. But then, Aerith spoke as if she could sense his genuine concern for her and decided that his intentions, sweetly out of character, were worth rewarding.

"I learned a lot. The elders taught me many things. About the Cetra... and the Promised Land," Aerith said as she continued to examine the Cosmo Candle like there was a secret hidden there she was trying to find. Cloud looked down a bit. He wanted to help her through this. She was always able to nurse everyone out of their doubts and fears with such grace and ease. He wanted to be able to do that for her, but he just didn't know how to comfort her.

"I'm... alone... I'm all alone now," she whispered. Cloud was almost thrown aback by the complete lack of faith in her voice. Her spunky cheer wasn't there anymore, and the void had been filled with despair. It must've been really haunting her if she couldn't even maintain that hope she sported in every dark situation. Cloud, as if affected by her pain, was despaired himself to hear her speak in such a way.

"But I'm..." Cloud trailed off. 'I'm?' That wasn't even what he had meant to say, but that's what came out. Sure, he _did_ care a lot about Aerith, but didn't they all? It's not as though he, in particular, cared more for her than the others did... or at least that's what he thought. "...we're here for you, right?"

"I know. I know, but... I am the only... Cetra," she replied. Much to Cloud's relief, she had seemingly disregarded that little slip of the tongue of his. But that wasn't even what was important. Aerith was lonely. Couldn't she see that he was there for her no matter what? Couldn't she see that he was her bodyguard, and that he would follow her through the worst to protect her? He could take care of her... No, they _all_ could take care of her.

"Does that mean we can't help?" Aerith looked up at him for a moment. Her emerald eyes were lush with sorrow. He stared back at her, trying to comfort her with his gaze the way she was always able to. But she only looked away. She brought her knees to her chest, and hid her face in her dress.

Cloud stood up, angered with himself for not being able to help her at all and apparently making her feel even worse.

That had been the first and only time Cloud saw Aerith as truly crestfallen. He had felt awful about the entire thing. He could protect her from the Turks, and he could rescue her from Shinra Headquarters, but he couldn't support her? She always did so much for him, and he couldn't do so little as cheer her up. That wasn't the first time he felt as though he had failed her, and it most certainly wouldn't be the last. But Cloud quickly shook the latter thought from his mind.

Aerith, a flower girl whose nature was to make everyone around her feel precious and hopeful, could feel lonely herself. That was the night that Cloud decided that protecting Aerith was not going to be enough. He had to show her that she was never alone because he was always there for her. Aerith didn't deserve to feel a lack of faith, unhappiness, and, least of all, loneliness. Cloud wanted her to feel all the happiness in the world. It was probably the only memory he had of her in which she was _just glum_. Even so, it was necessary to never forget any single thing Aerith did. He never wanted time to erode her into nothing but broken remnants of the past. She was a part of him, yes, but they were linked by his memories, weren't they?

Cloud cherished his memories of Aerith; every gesture, every endearing smile, every playful word that danced off her lips. Had his memories of her been a physical manifestation, he would've guarded them to the fullest penalty of his strength. But they were almost a knurl in his heart; a source of bittersweet nostalgia that, if he focused on them long enough, would end up losing the sweetness. It could always make him smile to think of their adventure the day they first met, to think of that awestruck look on her face the day she briefly saw an airship, or to think of those magical minutes on the gondola ride. But he couldn't help but later reflect on those memories and realize that they were all only memories. No matter how much of a part of him Aerith was, their future together was cut short, and newly created memories of her would no longer forge themselves.

He wished he could be with her just once more. He wished he could feel her head against his shoulder. He wished he could hear her laugh at him the way she used to. But most of all... he just wished he knew that she loved him. If he could feel her physical presence, it would be enough to let him know that she still did. He needed to know that everything he felt, she being a part of him and she always being with him, wouldn't go away because she loved him. He needed the security of _really_ knowing that.

And so Cloud decided. He wasn't going to spend his break from the world just in Aerith's church, blissfully remembering the happy times because it always led him back to the same place. He had to know. Maybe if he just felt her love once more, he would know that it wasn't going to go away.

Among his inaudible whimpers as briny water gathered beneath his eyes, Cloud knew that he couldn't stand the ambiguity of not feeling Aerith's love for him after her death. And so he had to go to the field.


	3. Their Night Together

Aerith was never one to act against the planet's inanimate will. She fully understood and appreciated the rhythm of the planet's pulse and, therefore, the necessity to return to its veins as components of a bloodstream. Although her heart was not in it, she was ready to dissolve into amorphous particles among the waves of the Lifestream once the battle against Sephiroth and Meteor had ended. So when the formidable loss of identity did not occur, she was relieved but somewhat befuddled. No elements of the ominous angel, Jenova, had melded with her cells, something that was asphyxiating the process of the merge with the Lifestream for many. True, she had been a Cetra, but their return was only slightly coagulated, not blockaded. Her soul hadn't faded since death _at all_. Being a Cetra wasn't enough on its own. Her boundless will was still clinging to the world of the living. Because of Cloud. She would be insoluble and impervious against the cycle of the planet as long as she longed to be with him. With that realization, solace quelled the flames of rue that plagued Aerith's heart. It was a promise to stay with Cloud so long as she desired it to be so.

After the defeat of Sephiroth, Aerith decided it would be best for her consciousness to hibernate. Now that her task was done, she wanted a chance to retreat to herself. And so she entered a sort of rest mode. She dreamt of many things; mostly, she dreamt of Cloud. Of finally reuniting with him one day. But Aerith also dreamt of Iflana. She had searched the Lifestream for her mother, but her soul never responded. She slept for a very long time, her mind riddled with dreams of the people now gone to her.

Aerith wasn't sure how long it had been when something sharp disturbed her slumber one day. It started off as a thorn, just barely noticeable but impossible to ignore. The more attention she lavished on it, the more vivid it grew. A silent scream that she couldn't hear, but she could suffer to feel. Shortly, an intense cry in anguish and trepidation overcame her entire being as it called to her. Her core reeled in sorrow as it surmounted her spirit, a magnetic force swallowing her into something indescribable. After intensely pulling against it, Aerith found her struggles futile, and she allowed herself to be taken by it so as to see the source of such a desperate cry. The Lifestream itself sucked her into a blinding whiteness until the cry had completely withered away along with the green streams of energy.

She was very unsure of where she was or what was happening. She searched for something, anything, among the curtains of white draped over her. Looking down at her ankles, she noticed something rather unusual. Transparent films of flowers seemed to hover about her ankles as if they were faded impressions. And as she continued to adjust to her new surroundings, they became less like impressions and more like actual flowers until Aerith found herself standing in a true-to-life field of pale yellow and white lilies. She understood now.

"Cloud..." He was calling to her. Now that she was in what seemed to be an alternate plane of the real world, his mental call had tapered off. Was he hurt? Had something happened to him? After all this time of silence, Cloud must've been feeling something terrible if it was able to penetrate the solidity of his guilt. Knowing that her mind could never relax lest Cloud was suffering, nothing could stop her from waiting there until his guilt could no longer mask his desire to see her.

Aerith stood and waited, faithful that he would come as soon as his sentiments would allow him. She knew how hard everything had been for him all these years. All the time, she just waited patiently. He would make it eventually. His cry had been so desperate, not even his guilt could hold him back for too long. And as she sensed his guilt slowly yield to his pure despair, she could feel his thoughts and memories more clearly. The Forgotten City. He was riding to where she had died. And he was thinking about her too; he was resurfacing the pain that her death had brought upon him along with the scar it left him. And then he came. At that moment, she felt everything: his Geostigma, the guilt lingering in his heart that he had to temporarily overcome to see her, the newly brewing battle, everything. He had sought her out in the subconscious depths of his mind, and now he was at a loss for words.

"So you came, huh?" she said. Her voice sounded aerial as it echoed across the mosaic of flowers. "Even though you're about to break, right?" Turning herself slightly, she reached up, and gently placed her opalescent hand on the arm that had been torturing him so, faintly curling her fingers around his shapely muscles. When she felt him recoil slightly, it further confirmed her fears that Cloud had been blaming himself for her death all this time, and he was too ashamed to even accept her simple marks of affection. He was acquiescing to grief and the eventual finality of Geostigma. Little could've saddened her more than to feel the one person who had become her very existence so utterly hopeless at the hand of desperation. His will was cracking under the cumbersome burden he had weighed himself down with. "I'm sure this will be a good thing," she reassured. His austere spirit swelled for a moment as he took comfort in her simple but thoughtful words. "Question! Why did you come?"

"I ... want to be forgiven. Yes, I want to be forgiven," his simple answer was.

"By who?" she replied playfully to counter his staunch seriousness. Reminded of the lively Aerith Cloud had once spent so much time with, he turned to look into those green materia orbs of her's. And just like that, he was withdrawn from her again. Aerith's head sank as his consciousness returned to him. Her honey-brown bangs fell together at her forehead, and masked her face. She wrung her hands, holding them level to her breasts. She just hoped that he was going to be alright.

..-+-..

Aerith floated among the sinuous curls of Lifestream. She allowed for the waves, iridescent with a green hue, to envelop her in the inimitable vibration of spirit energy. It had become a sort of hobby of Aerith's. No peace compared to being held by the very life of the planet as it's soft crooning whispered you into a state of bliss. As she lay atop the crest of a stream, she retraced _his_ image in her mind. First, his blond locks that were untamable and tousled in every direction which only made him all the more adorable to her. The contrast of his milky white complection against the Mako-lambency that his eyes gleamed in bright blue. That little awkward smile he gave when he wasn't quick enough in hiding flushed cheeks. A projection of Cloud seemed to assemble itself in the Lifestream as Aerith thought about him, a mirage in the dark only illuminated by oscillating, phosphorescent streams of life.

"Thinking about Cloud, I see. As usual," a bodiless but recognizable voice called out. Zack took shape. Her thoughts were broken, and his image disintegrated. She looked over at her good friend.

"Don't you ever miss anybody?" Aerith asked inquisitively, turning away. Zack scratched his head of raven hair.

"I wish my parents knew I was okay. But they'll get along without me." He laughed, and lightly pushed Aerith's shoulder as some sort of comfort. "Oh, boy. Aerith can't be happy without her precious Cloud?" he mocked. Aerith turned towards the pompous boy who was once her first love, a tender smile on her pretty face.

"Cloud's happy, and I am too. I can tell. He seems a little lonely though. I was just thinking that I want to be there to comfort him," she said. A vision of the recent past washed over Aerith's mind: Cloud holding a small bundle of yellow daisies to his nose. He seemed to be at peace, at least as far as her apparent telepathy was letting her know.

"He's got Tifa to keep him company. Why don't I keep you company?" he offered in his usual suave way. Aerith could only giggle at his lack of understanding. He couldn't feel Cloud's emotions and wishes as she could, and he certainly didn't fathom the depths of her's.

"You don't fall in love with people based on who can keep you company. It's too bad you never knew what it feels like to love someone, Zack," she said.

"Ouch. Well, I offered. But you can't say you never miss those old days between us," he cajoled with a playful wink.

"If I miss anything, it's those old days with Cloud."

"Do you always fall for the ones with spiky hair?" Aerith looked at her old friend. She broke down into laughs, and her eyes shut taut in physical zeal.

"Well, he did remind me of you at first. But then he turned out pleasantly different," she teased after catching her breath.

"Ah, thanks. You know what? Sometimes, I wonder why I bother hanging around you instead of other girls who actually pay attention to me."

"Yeah, me too," she joked.

"Fine, if that's how it is, I'll go somewhere else. Call me if you want some company." And with that, his soul merged back into the current of the Lifestream.

Aerith drifted through the depth's of the inner planet. The emerald Lifestream was ablaze all around her. She watched globes of the planet's energy float all about her, jouncing among the waves of life. The colorful, playful dance of Lifestream reminded her of... fireworks. Vivid fireworks that sounded like magnified popcorn popping slowly and looked like glowing bubbles bursting magically. That was their night, alone on the gondola together. It was as if the fireworks were just for them. It felt as though the fireworks were just for them.

_Their night..._

"Enjoy the sights of the Gold Saucer," the smiling employee beamed at them. Cloud extended his hand gentlemanly, and Aerith took it as she stepped up into the gondola. How sweet of him, Aerith thought... maybe he liked her after all.

She sat on the wooden bench by the window, and Cloud soon sat across from her. Of course he would be too nervous to sit next to her; she had hoped he would, but she was aware of it being wishful thinking.

"Have you been having a good time?" she asked.

"Yeah, actually, I have," Cloud answered. He reached behind his crown, and scratched the back of his skull as he always did when he felt a pinch of social anxiety, that slight embarrassment that he frequently experienced when he was honest with Aerith.

"I'm glad," she smiled assuringly. The ride jerked forward for a moment, and slowly ascended as they began their tour of the sea of lights among the dark night.

Aerith admired the spectacular Gold Saucer through the glass parallel to her. Spotlights ignited underneath them as they maneuvered between the tracks of a roller coaster and turned upwards towards a spherical moon.

"Wow... how nice," she managed to say breathlessly. "Oh! Look, Cloud." The two of them peered out the window to catch a glimpse of multicolored chocobos racing fiercely down the track. "It's so pretty," she said.

They exchanged a moment of comfortable silence. Aerith's face glowed with excitement as she gawked at the fantastical sights of a night at the Gold Saucer. Cloud's gaze seemed fixated upon his lap as though he were lost deeply in thought. She fancied to herself what Cloud might be turning over in his mind. She quietly chuckled at the hopeful idea that he was gathering the courage to kiss her, but she was fully aware that Cloud was too dense to have realized her feelings for him by now, and he would be too afraid to make a move, even through the sweet instants of their date.

It was the first time since they had met that Aerith and Cloud could have some time alone together, the looming threat of Sephiroth surprisingly absent from their minds. Over the time of their journey together, she was aware that she had cultivated feelings for Cloud, and that awareness was now at its pinnacle as they spent the enchanted evening with one another, alone.

The entire sky was transformed into daylight by dozens of explosive colors, delayed popping sounds following their illumination. A rainbow of sparks filled the Gold Saucer. Aerith's eyes changed focus, and she found herself staring at the reflection on the glass: Cloud staring in peaceful reverence at the beauty of the chromatic lights billowing before them. Their date, interrupted to watch the fireworks in awe. Intoxicated with bliss, Aerith's inhibitions fled through the perspiration of her eyes, and irrigated down her cheeks. Beneath the romanticism of incandescent fireworks, it was clear to her that what she had been feeling all along was love, and she wanted little more than for him to kiss her lightly inside the anonymity of their private gondola. Now was the time to let him know. Resolved to tell him everything, she discreetly wiped her cheeks with the back of her palm. Aerith found herself wordless, still entranced by the glorious display before them.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she whispered as she looked down at her lap. She felt Cloud's stare turn upon her. She fiddled with the silver bangles adorning her wrists. How could she say this the right way?

"...first off, it bothered me how you looked exactly alike," she began as she referenced her first love and her first heartbreak. "Two completely different people, but look exactly the same. The way you walk, gesture... I think I must've seen him again, in you..."

Yes, they had looked so similar, Cloud and Zack. And that was what Aerith had first found appealing in Cloud. Because of that, she had flirted with him even when they had just met. But while it had started off as mere flirting, it grew into something more. Cloud wasn't like Zack inside. Cloud was softhearted and caring-- although he wouldn't let you know it when you first met him. He was shy, and he kept himself withdrawn. He didn't easily let people know what his thoughts were, but she could tell without the words. Looking like Zack only made her flirt with him, but being Cloud made her fall in love with him.

"But you're different. Things are different..." she trailed off. She promised herself to be brave. As she racked her mind for the right words, the entire gondola was swarmed with starry fireworks. "Cloud... I'm searching for you." She peeked up at him to try and read his words off his eyes, but they only displayed confusion. Leaning forward, she reached out, and cupped Cloud's hands in her's. "I want to meet you."

"But I'm right here," he replied. She shook her head gently.

"I know, I know. What I mean is..." She laced Cloud's fingers between her's. "I want to meet... you." She felt his understanding now. Waiting for some sort of reply, she was granted a smile. Not a heartwarming, loving smile. A cute little smile that matched his reddening cheeks. She knew that he wasn't used to this kind of open affection.

"Aerith," he began. And the ride came to an end as the gondola halted at the platform.

Aerith's memory was soon disrupted by something.

"...Aerith," she heard _his_ voice say. Was it a memory? Or was Cloud really speaking to her? Closing her eyes, a picturesque vision of Cloud sitting in her church was projected onto the retina of her soul.

"Cloud! I'm here; I can hear you!" she gasped in joy.

"I have so much to tell you. But I... don't know how to say it all."

She listened intently as he vociferated his deepest secrets to her. His regret over her unwilling martyrdom. His blaming the cruelty of fate for what happened. His desire to change the past. His hopeless yearning to be with her.

"...I'm sorry," he continued. "You probably don't like me talking like this. You're a part of me now. I won't let myself forget that. Every day I feel like you're not around, I'll remind myself that you're with me no matter what. No matter what. I know I can't feel your presence like I may want to, but at least we'll always be together in some way. Right...? I can't take that for granted. But I still need these breaks from everything every once in a while. Back at Seventh Heaven, I have my family and my friends. But I still need these times... to be alone with you. That's okay, isn't it? Thanks... Aerith."

After he had drifted to sleep, Aerith opened her large eyes. For a moment, all she could do was hear his heartbreaking words replay through her mind and, incidentally, the Lifestream.

"Cloud... I'm so sorry. Why do you always have to be in so much pain? You miss being together... but that's not really what's bothering you, is it?" She nodded her head in agreement with herself. Yes, that wasn't the purest form of what tormented him. "Drifting apart, that's what you think. Because you can't see me or touch me, I'm only a series of memories in your subconscious... that my love for you is dissolving, right? Can't you understand, Cloud..." Aerith held her hands to her chest.

That date at the Gold Saucer: those few moments when the entire world had melted away and they were the only ones left, when the fireworks pulsated through the evening sky for them, that glance they exchanged as Aerith wove their fingers together and let him know what was orbiting her heart, the understanding they both shared despite the abrupt end to their conversation. How could he be so unsure of the truth now?

"You know where I will be. Come find me if you need to. And Cloud, you take care of yourself, so you don't have a breakdown, okay?"


	4. Lost In Dreams and Memories

Fields of overgrown grass sprawled across the horizon as far as the eye could see. The only disturbance to the natural landscape was a paved road which disjointed the east and the west. A breeze pushed the amber-crowned blades of grass in a unison direction. Tethered cotton balls lay lazily in a cyan sky as they recreationally fattened with moisture. Increasingly growing in volume, the sound of a disgruntled motorcycle impeded upon the undisturbed air. The black vehicle swung down the road and continued on into the distance in a flash.

Cloud revved the engine of the Fenrir, curling his firm grip on the handlebars forward until he reached a favorable speed. The throb of incarnate freedom broke over his face with the wind in his hair and an open road before him. He had been riding all day across the empty highway, and the sun was just starting to shift into its pink shade as it approached the ground in the west. After today, he would have about half a day left of traveling until he reached the field. Then maybe the answers would reveal themselves.

Something that Cloud never failed to enjoy about his beloved motorcycle was the clarity it gave to his cluttered thoughts. He could never squander nor be unappreciative of the concern of his friends and family, but being alone every once in a while gave him some cherished time to sort out everything that might be confounding him. The church was his time alone with Aerith. His Fenrir was his time alone with himself, and on this day, it offered him the chance to reflect on the days that forever changed him.

When Barret and Tifa made a combined effort to coerce Cloud into continuing his service to AVALANCHE for a promise of two thousand gil, he had been sure that he wasn't going to get himself too involved. The battle with Airbuster was going to be his last, that is, until a fateful landing brought him crashing through a roof. One thing just led to another. Somehow, he got himself emotionally attached to everything. Maybe it was his hatred for Sephiroth that was exhumed when he saw the masamune standing stiffly through President Shinra's back. Or maybe it was his feelings for ... someone else. Either way, destiny carried him to a destination he never could've imagined the day he agreed to help bomb the mako reactor. All those battles. All those travels. All those moments of fear: when Cait Sith agreed to give his stuffed body in order to get the Black Materia. Everyone was scared for him, especially Aerith. But she always had her ways of cheering people up, even in the darkest of situations...

"Why don't you read our fortunes?" she suggested. She plastered an encouraging smile on her face, her eyes swimming with empathy for their companion-- even though he was a spy. The crowned robot cat hopped up and down on the stuffed moogle's head in response to her optimism.

"Say, that's right... I haven't done it in a while, huh? I'm so excited. Right or wrong, I'm still the same ol' me. Now, what should I predict?" Aerith clapped her hands together in thought. She hurried over to Cloud, and tightly hugged his elbow with her arms.

"Let's see how compatible Cloud and I am!" she said, vivacity in her elated tone. Cloud blushed furiously, but he quickly shook himself free of it. Aerith was just being playful, that was all. She was just trying to clear Cait Sith's doubts. She only thought of them as friends, nothing more. Even though he could've sworn she felt differently on the gondola, he assured himself that Aerith would never think of him that way. Friends. That was all. She was just having fun.

"Okay, here I go!" Cait Sith did his usual fortune-telling dance, waddling himself back and forth as he rhythmically lifted and lowered his paddle-like feet while keeping his heels glued to the ground. "Oh, no... Poor Tifa," he mumbled. "I can't say it. This isn't good." Aerith stubbornly rushed up to Cait Sith in protest.

"No! Tell me! I promise I won't get mad!"

"Is that so? Then I'll tell you. Looks good. You are perfect for each other! Aerith's star and Cloud's star! They show a great future! Cloud, I'll be your matchmaker, your preacher... I'll do whatever you want me to! Just call me when it all happens!" The words replayed on a loop through Cloud's head, and he couldn't break the cycle. _Perfect for each other... a great future... Cloud, I'll be your matchmaker... your preacher..._ He had to stop thinking of these things. 'Friends,' he reminded himself with a quick nod. Why was it that he was even allowing these things to permeate his thoughts? When was it that he even started caring?

At the inception of that journey, he was the blase ex-SOLDIER, Cloud, who was only on the lookout for himself. Yet, before the battle's end, he found himself experiencing the darkest depravity of hatred, the maddening loss of who he was, and the kind of pain you can only fathom when that which is most precious to you is violently taken away, and it was all derivative of his excessive sentimental involvement. Perhaps that was why he always found comfort in a reclusive life where he didn't have to worry about caring too much, but it left him awfully lonely.

It had been a battle of uncertainty, of lost dreams, of last hope against the omnipotent enemy. But Cloud fought it for more than just that. He carried himself through it for a clandestine memory that he kept safe inside his own mind during all the battles. He kept it safe all of that time, and he was afraid of losing it now...? No, he was afraid of losing _her_. But his memories of Aerith and Aerith herselfas a part of him... were they one in the same?

Cloud pulled over to the side of the road for a moment. The Fenrir purred softly as it awaited Cloud's permission to continue onwards. He looked out at the sunset. The orange and pink colors glowing through the translucent clouds looked much darker than they actually were through the black tint of his sunglasses. So as to appreciate the beauty of the sky better, he pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose, and allowed them to rest atop his head.

He had seen many sunsets during his journey. Some painted the sky bright yellow like it was overcast by the wing of a giant canary bird. Others were purple at the zenith, blending eventually into a thin line of red that outlined the horizon. The sunsets always seemed to match his thoughts during those days. Or maybe it was that seeing the sunset had simply reminded him of his thoughts. Either way, he couldn't help but look at them and remember the journey of hardships that actually, despite the fact that he didn't think about it half as much, started off rather pleasantly.

Cloud's conscious mind retracted from the world of his thoughts when he felt his phone vibrating against his hip as it rang.

..-+-..

"Eat up you two!" Tifa encouraged happily as she placed two plates of dinner in front of Denzel and Marlene. They thanked her as she exited the room for a moment to serve herself. After returning, she sat back down at the wooden table to eat her dinner with the two children. Marlene and Denzel made small conversation about frivolous things. Tifa had been ignoring the thought all day, but as she stared down at her rice, she couldn't help but wonder if Cloud was okay.

"Something wrong, Tifa?" Denzel asked, noticing her sullen gaze.

"Oh! No, I'm okay."

"Cloud will be back soon," Marlene interjected as she granted Tifa a bright smile. Was she really that transparent? Nodding her head, Tifa continued to eat. With her head down, facing her plate, dark strands of her hair continually fell in front of her. After it frustrated her far too much, she retrieved a hair tie from her pocket, and tied her hair back into a loose ponytail.

"Where did Cloud go?" Denzel asked. Marlene chewed her food before answering. Tifa stealthily eavesdropped for any sort of knowledge Marlene might have in regards to Cloud.

"I don't know. But last time, before he left, he was all sad one morning. So I asked him what was wrong, and he said 'Nothing, I just dreamt something that I dreamt once before.' I asked him what it was, and he said that the dream was in a forest, and Aerith was telling him that she was leaving. Then he got dressed, and he left."

"Aerith... what was she like?"

"She was so nice, and she always held me when I was crying. She could make everybody feel better because she was always happy. And she was a lot of fun too. I remember when I first met Sister, I was really scared. She said that Papa and Tifa were fighting, and she needed to take me somewhere safe. She scooped me up, and carried me out of Sector 7. She brought me to her house, and she made me feel a lot better. But then they came for her... I loved Sister."

"Did Cloud?" Denzel asked. At that moment, Tifa jumped up from the table, and abandoned listening to the conversation. She wasn't angry, just distraught. She just needed to talk to Cloud.

Tifa hurried up the steps to her bedroom. Shutting the door behind her, she sat on the bed. The stiff springs of the mattress screeched from under her. She faced the ominous phone sitting on her night table. The phone that always had the other end welcome her with Cloud's answering machine. Taking a moment to think if over once more, she pet the soft blankets dressing her bed. No, she had to go through with this. She would torture herself until she did. Tifa picked up the phone, and dialed Cloud's number before she had a chance to change her mind. Her breathing was short and untamed as she searched the muted ringing for a voice.

"Tifa?" The sound of his voice caught her completely off-guard. She hadn't really thought about what she would say to him, and she certainly hadn't considered that he might actually answer.

"Hi, Cloud. You picked up."

"Yeah. Did you need something?"

"Well, I..." Tifa felt like her heart was convulsing inside her rib cage. "Why did you go?" Cloud's end of the line fell silent. Neither his voice nor breathing penetrated the speaker. "Cloud?"

"I'm still here. Tifa, I..." he paused, making Tifa all the more nervous. "I don't know what to tell you."

"The truth, maybe, for starters. Why did you leave?"

"Because it's hard to know sometimes what's a memory and what's real. I have to go now. Bye, Tifa."

"Bye, Cloud." She heard the affirmative "click" that assured her Cloud had hung up, yet she kept the receiver attached to her ear for a few minutes. After at last putting the phone down, she made her way dismally down the steps. Denzel and Marlene still sat at the table, talking pleasantly.

A loud crashing sound pulsated through the house as Barret bursted through the front door, an oil stained pack flung over his shoulder, looking just as proud and big as he was before he left to find oil fields. Marlene spun around in her chair.

"Papa!" she squealed, leaping up from her seat and into his arms.

"Hey, Marlene," he said lovingly as he dropped his pack on the floor to embrace her with all of his effort. "How's she doin', Tifa?" Barret asked in his deep, croaking voice. Tifa smiled from the stairs and nodded affirmatively. "I'm gonna be home for a few weeks, and I'm only leaving for a couple of days next time. Sorry I was gone all this time."

"It's okay, Papa! I'm just glad you're here now."

"She's missed you a lot," Tifa stated as she brought herself down to the landing. Barret let out a vigorous laugh. He gripped his adoptive daughter beneath her arm pits, and placed her on his shoulders, her slender legs dangling over his chest.

"You're getting so big, Marlene! Denzel! How's it goin', brother?" Denzel had stood up to welcome Barret and was greeted with a hearty slap on the back. Barret laughed hoarsely as Denzel lurched forward from the friendly pat.

"I'm okay. How are the oil fields?" Denzel asked.

"They're doin' great. Pumpin' up enough oil if tha's what ya mean. So, where's that bitch, Cloud?" Tifa's family-reunion happiness dissipated.

"He's out again. He didn't say why," Marlene answered from high up on her throne.

"That damn fool. God knows dats jus' like him too. Disappearin' to who knows where for who knows how long."

"He's just too focused on the past without enough hope for the future," Tifa said.

"Why is that? Why does he always look back when there's plenty for 'im right here?" Barret asked, more as a rhetorical question than one meant to be answered.

"Maybe... what he wants most only exists in his past," she replied almost inaudibly. Maybe it _was_ as simple as that. Having not heard her, the others continued chatting joyfully while Tifa couldn't help but ache from the inconvenient truth.

..-+-..

Cloud lay beneath the blankets by the crackling fire. The trees stood guard in a circle around him, swishing with the wind as they whispered amongst themselves. In the stead of a pillow and a mattress, Cloud used his knapsack and a blanket. Unable to sleep, he stared up between the stars, his hands locked together beneath his head. The world all about him lay cloaked by darkness except for the small aura of yellow light ignited by the dying flames.

The stars looked like little droplets of heaven hanging from the celestial sphere, ready to fall down at any moment. An arm of the Milky Way stretched across the sky, so many stars clustered inside it that it resembled a cloud of dust. A shooting star, a visible spark flying through the night for only a moment, blazed across the sky. 'Aerith would've appreciated the beauty of this,' Cloud thought.

He didn't want to get upset by reminding himself of the ... painful... memories of Aerith. But sometimes he couldn't help remembering them. They just entered his mind and attached themselves to the synapses of his temporal lobe. And that was the case this evening when he couldn't shake himself from thinking about that dream he had of Aerith in the Sleeping Forest, the same dream that had entered his slumber the night before he last left Seventh Heaven to relax in Aerith's church. He really didn't want to remember it. He wanted to be happy, but ever since that dream in which Aerith left...

"Cloud?" her voice echoed. "Can you hear me?" The world faded into a forest. The bent over tree canopies created an arch-shaped roof of leaves over a natural pathway, and a bright light sat at the far end of the woods in the distance. Aerith appeared from behind a tree, just as cheerful as she always was despite what had happened at the Temple of the Ancients. Her pink dress, separated at her upper thighs, stood out between the green-tinted tree trunks.

"Yeah, I hear you. Sorry for what happened," he said. How could he have done that to her? How could he have given the Black Materia to Sephiroth?

"Don't worry about it," she replied curtly. She pushed a lock of her bangs away from her face, and smoothed a fold in the lap of her dress.

"...I can't help it..."

"Oh..." Aerith said. She looked down at her brown boots before her green eyes turned to face him once again. Running up closer to Cloud as if she was excited, she proposed, "Then why don't you REALLY worry about it, and let _me_ handle Sephiroth." The ceiling of leaves and branches allowed a ray of sunshine to peak through the canopies for a moment and descend on Aerith like a spotlight. "And Cloud, you take care of yourself. So you don't have a breakdown, okay?" she said as she clasped her hands behind her back and leaned her front half in a bit. That little gesture she always did that Cloud found irresistible.

"What is this place?" he asked. She rested her hands at her sides, and she allowed for her head to fall back. Closing her eyes, she smiled up at the sunshine gleaming down upon her.

"This place leads to the City of the Ancients. It's called the Sleeping Forest." She looked back at Cloud who was staring at her, curiosity in his intent gaze. "It's only a matter of time before Sephiroth uses Meteor. That's why I'm going to protect it. Only a survivor of the Cetra, like me, can do it." After turning around, Aerith took slow, almost apprehensive, steps towards the light that symbolized the City of the Ancients. She was facing her ancestors, approaching their secrets that she had inherited the key to unlock through half of her blood. Cloud watched Aerith prepare herself for the mental strife of what she knew would be a dangerous journey into the unforeseeable knowledge of the Cetra.

"The secret is just up here. At least it should be... I feel it. It feels like I'm being led by something," Aerith continued. She paused in her steps and looked back at him. Cloud didn't know what to do. Her penetrating stare immobilized him. She gave him one last farewell gift: a tiny smile. The kind of smile that lets you know it's okay to be anxious because it'll all work out in the end. The same promising smile Aerith always devoted to Cloud that had eliminated his anxieties on so many occasions in the past. But he could see the unusual fear in her eyes that she was trying so hard to mask for him, the fear of being endowed with the wisdom of the Ancients and a smaller fear of what would happen if Sephiroth caught up with her. She lifted her left hand, and quickly waved goodbye. She was going to leave. Desperately, Cloud tried to run after her, but his sprinting steps carried him no where.

And before she ran off towards the Forgotten City, intent on completing her genetically-assigned task, she promised him one last thing. A promise that anyone would have made in the same situation. Simple words of reassurance that would haunt him for years to come.

"I'll come back when it's all over."


	5. Aerith's Gift

Cloud didn't understand it. Why was it that Aerith had insisted upon coming here, this dead city only inhabited by the vague ghost of the Cetra knowledge? He had woken in the middle of the night to the sound of a faint voice. Rather, the mental projection of a voice. But it was Aerith's voice. He just knew it was. It didn't speak to him or call him. It simply hummed, wavering in and out of perceptible volume. She was just humming the same gentle tune continuously. It was delicate with frills of sweet sentiments, but its core was melancholy. Just hearing his psychic acoustics ring with the fragile sound of Aerith humming this rueful yet heartening melody despaired Cloud. And even more unsettling was a vibration he had felt the moment he woke up. It had only lasted a second, but it was recognized easily enough. Sephiroth. He had to find Aerith before Sephiroth could take control of his mind.

After shaking Cid and Tifa from their restful slumbers, he attempted to collect his thoughts so as to explain what he was feeling. When all three were finally dressed, Cid took his awakening in a less than graceful fashion.

"Cloud, you jackass! Do you know what _time_ it is? A goddamn jackass, that's what you are. This better be good." he chided. After retrieving a cigarette, he pushed it between his taut lips, and searched his back pocket for a match. Tifa stretched her muscles a bit in the same manner she always did upon waking so as to be ready for any possible battles. Cloud was clearly preoccupied, his arms folded across his chest and a very grave glimmer in his eyes.

"Aerith is here," he finally said. His head sank. "... and so is Sephiroth." Cid's cigarette fell from his gaping mouth.

"Wa-wa-wait a minute! You serious?" he said incredulously.

"But how can you tell?" Tifa asked. Cloud shook his head.

"...It's not an excuse. I can't even explain it. I just feel it in my soul. Aerith is nearby." Cid scratched his dry forehead, worry beaming through his stare.

"Shit, Cloud, we can't be sitting around on our asses," he said. Cloud unfolded his arms, and looked up at his two companions. He nodded his head in agreement, and the three of them left the house together.

Following only the humming in Cloud's mind, the three of them scavenged the Forgotten City for any sign of Aerith. They were led to the northern half of the city through a path of coral-like branches and tall trees. At the opening of the path, a building, shaped like an enlarged conch shell, that lay across a shallow lake came into their view. The full moon rained light down upon the quivering water and the oceanic-inspired building. Making their way through the coiling path inside the shell house, they found a set of steps leading down into the Earth that had been blocked previously.

"Aerith is down there... I know she is. I can hear her voice. She's getting closer." Cloud rushed down the steps, the other two close behind. He found himself being led into a city of glass deep inside the planet. It was nothing like Midgar. It was ancient, like the Cetra themselves. Chiseled spikes of crystal loomed around the city's edges, and towers of varying heights were suspended above the ground level of this dead capital. Running down the long set of spiraling glass-like steps, he made his way into the heart of the underground, crystal city. The sound of Aerith's hushed voice was growing in proximity.

Cloud didn't know what he would say once he found her. He wasn't sure that he could even verbally express the concern he had felt all this time she had been gone. He wanted to see her so terribly, yet what he had done at the Temple of the Ancients made him even more afraid of what Sephiroth might make him do if he ever came in her presence again. His heart pounded with the anxious anticipation of finding her. He needed to see her. Everything made sense when Aerith was around.

Cloud finally found himself at the bottom of the steps, Cid and Tifa panting heavily when they caught up to him. He faced a pool of blessedly immaculate water, and that's when his eyes fell upon her. Across the water, Aerith prayed atop a risen altar. Jumping up the stair-like pillars to her figure on the raised altar, Cid tried to follow, but Cloud insisted on seeing her alone. He _needed_ to see her alone. He needed a chance to explain his disorganized emotions to her, all of the fear, the anxiousness. She would give his mind clarity as she always had.

His feet found the floor of the altar, and there she was. She was there. After all this time, she was _really_ there. He could've hugged her in his relief. That moment represented nothing but a pure exultation for Cloud. He was only a few feet away. Her praying image was reflected on the glass-like surface below her with radiant iridescence. She was there, her expressive eyes closed in religious reverence. She was sitting on the heels of her boots, and held her feminine hands to her chest, fingers locked together. Her head bowed, Cloud moved forward to wake her from her trance.

**Jenova.**

Aerith's humming was gone now, replaced by thousands of malignant voices whispering from within his own mind. Cloud couldn't hear anything. He rose his sword over his head. He couldn't see. There was nothing. Cloud, kill her. Nothing. Bring the sword down, Cloud. Nothing. Kill Aerith, Cloud. Nothing. Kill her. Nothing. KILL HER NOW, CLOUD. KILL HER NOW. Nothing but the whispering, maliciously coaxing him to carry the sword down with all of his momentum. His conscience was a thinning thread. What was he doing? _Where was Aerith?_

"CLOUD!"

"STOOOOP!"

Cloud stepped back. Did he just almost kill Aerith? He was shocked. He couldn't believe it. He was scared of himself. What was Sephiroth making him do? What if Cid and Tifa hadn't yelled for him to stop?

Aerith's green eyes fluttered open. Looking curiously at her surroundings, her eyes fell into Cloud's. She looked up at him, blinking slowly as though she hadn't realized before that he was standing there. Or that she was unaware of what he almost had just done. No, she must've known.

"Aerith..." He didn't know what to say. What could he possibly say to her to make up for first beating her and now almost killing her? How could he tell her what he had been feeling all this time she wasn't nearby? And in that regard, what exactly _had_ he been feeling?

Aerith's eyes lit up with sympathy, and she smiled. A smile so sweet, so pulchritudinous, so loving. Such a simple smile, but it erased everything. Cloud didn't feel pained anymore. Aerith knew what he was feeling, and she understood completely. She understood his thoughts and his broken mind. Aerith understood him. He had no need to worry because Aerith understood. Even when he couldn't decipher his own feelings, she could. _Aerith... she looked so beautiful._

Cloud felt a disturbance break the serene aura exuding from Aerith and her pure smile. Darkness, humid and pregnant with the promise of evil tidings, hung in the thickening air above them. The sky became turgid with a formidable and aversely recognizable presence. Cloud saw nothing but a flash of lambent moonlight reflecting off a polished blade as the cloaked figure of villainous idolatry fell from the unforgiving heavens.

The smile melted off her face. Aerith fell limp in an instant. Her hands, once folded in prayer, fell to her sides lifelessly as gravity pulled her forward. Her front half bent over, being only held up by the masamune still skewered through her abdomen. Sephiroth withdrew his sword, a trail of Aerith's blood lingering on the blade, with the surreal lack of speed that made Cloud think this was all a dream. Thoughts of disbelief flooded Cloud's mind until no single thought was discernable. What was happening? No, this couldn't be real. It wasn't possible. It wasn't.

"Aerith!" He rushed to her as she toppled forward. He caught her in his arms, the arms he always secretly dreamt of holding her with, the arms that were now granted their ironic wish. Cloud shook her, desperately hoping that there was some chance... some chance that she could be okay. "This can't be real!" Nothing was going to wake him from this nightmarish fantasy.

"Do not worry," Sephiroth began, celebrating his victory over the sweet and quirky flower girl. "Soon, the girl will become part of the Planet's energy. All that is left will go North. The Promised Land waits for me over the snowy fields. There, I will become a new being by uniting with the planet's energy. As will this girl." Cloud was shaking in fury.

"...Shut up," he managed to mutter through his gritted teeth. "The cycle of nature and your stupid plan don't mean a thing!" Without her, what really mattered? Black Materia. Meteor. Sephiroth. None of it was important. "Aerith is gone." Cloud looked down at her. Aerith. Lively, beautiful, compassionate Aerith. How could this be possible? His mako-blue eyes overflowed with nostalgia as he remembered the all too few moments they shared together. Wonderful and dangerous alike. "Aerith will no longer talk, no longer laugh, cry... or get angry." Every memory now stung him deep in his heart. Every endearing smile. Every stubborn pout. Every silly joke. The flowerbed in the church where they first met. Venturing into Don Corneo's mansion together for Tifa's sake. Saving her from Shrina and the Turks. Learning about the Lifestream at Cosmo Canyon. Hearing the Cry of the Planet. Stealing the Tiny Bronco. Their date at the Gold Saucer. Watching the fluorescent fireworks from the gondola ride...

"What about us... What are WE supposed to do?"

_Cloud... I'm searching for you_.

"What about my pain?"

_I want to meet you._

"My fingers are tingling."

_I know, I know. What I mean is..._

"My mouth is dry."

_I want to meet..._

"My eyes are burning!"

_you._

Cloud's glass heart thumped heavily until it finally shattered. His tears poured over the rims of his eyes. His pain was too great. He wanted her back. He begged and begged to have her back. He would do anything just to hear her laugh again, see her smile once more, feel the unconditional love that never stopped radiating from her. Tears raining down his cheeks, Cloud hugged her with all his might. He rocked back and forth as he held her in some attempt to comfort his unadulterated misery.

He had loved her. All of this time, he had been in love with her. He _loved_ Aerith. It took him until now to realize it, but he was sure of it now. The most amazing person he had ever met. The most _wonderful_ person he had ever met. No one had ever meant so much to him. He loved her. He cared for her more than anything in the world. She couldn't be gone. Not now. Not now that he finally understood his feelings. Everything made sense. It was all clear to him. What he felt that night on the gondola. He had been in love with her all of this time. That which was most precious to him... _gone_. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. Not Aerith. Rather himself than Aerith. His only love.

"What are you saying? Are you trying to tell me you have feelings too?" Sephiroth's apathetic voice broke in. Cloud's rage soared again. After he gently laid his beloved down on the floor of the altar, Cloud stood up to face the silver haired man in black who now represented everything he wanted to tear apart.

"Of course! Who do you think I am?" Sephiroth laughed in a way that could make anyone's blood turn over.

"Stop acting as if you were sad. There's no need to act as though you're angry either. Because, Cloud. You are..." Sephiroth transformed into a hideous Jenova monster. Cloud unsheathed his sword, glad to have been given the opportunity to massacre this creature.

He used no restraint nor mercy. He used Jenova Life as an outlet for all of his anguish, but even after the battle's end, the weight of his grief had not lightened an ounce.

"Because, you are... a puppet," the voice of Jenova rang in his head.

The others took their turns to mourn. Cid was greatly distraught. Not even being quite able to cope with the shock of it all, he walked away. As Cloud watched them silently express their pain, his focus was on the gaping hole in his life. His tears had stopped, but there was no glue that he could mend his heart with. It was broken. Not pierced, not wounded. Broken. His heart had been fragile to begin with, but now...

Tifa ran off in tears, and Cloud approached Aerith. He picked her up with delicacy lest he be too harsh and hurt her-- even though he knew she was gone. He descended from the altar, Aerith in his arms, to the pristine lake that glowed like it was speckled with stars. He couldn't think of anything more fitting than to give her back to the planet she had cared for so dearly.

Lowering her, Cloud realized that the bow in her hair and the materia were missing. He almost went back to the altar to find them so he could put them in their rightful place, but he ultimately decided that it didn't matter anymore. She was gone. A pink bow in her hair made no difference. He would just have to accept that he had lost her. No matter how much he had loved her... she was gone.

He finally let her go. For a moment, she floated atop the water, her white hands folded on her chest. He forced himself not to focus on the pain. It was Aerith's gift to everyone. She had sacrificed her life for the planet. Maybe she didn't know that this was going to happen, but she was willing to risk it. He stepped back and watched her sink into the water. This was reality. Aerith was gone. Cloud didn't understand how, but Aerith was... gone. As she disappeared into the darkened abyss of the lake, all he could do was lament his inability to tell her how much he loved her. If only he had realized sooner. What was he to do now?

Aerith's gift to the planet... her life. All the more reason to continue his journey. To save the planet she gave herself to. Sephiroth would pay for this.

..-+-..

Cloud awoke in a sweat. He was still in the woods, the embers of the fire dimming slowly. The most horrible memory he had. His subconscious lingering over it had taken the form of a nightmare. Aerith's death... the only memory of her he wished he could forget.

He sat up as he breathed heavily.

"Are you only a part of me as a memory?" he whispered, shaking his head. Where was she? "I don't want to lose you..." He dug his face in his open palms. What was he going to do if she was just a memory? What if he lost her? Aerith... his love.

Too afraid of having the nightmare again, Cloud stayed up all through the night until dawn.


	6. The Promised Land

**Author's Note**

Well, this is my first note to you, the reader, and it will also be my last. That's right. This is the last chapter of my Cleris fanfic. Since everyone has been so supportive, I felt that you guys deserved to see me peak out a little bit from behind the curtain. Yes, there _is_ a writer hiding underneath all the grammar and keystrokes. I'm sorry this part took me so long to write, but I wanted to make sure I got it just right. There aren't many chapters, but they're long, so that makes up for it, right?

Thank you so much, everyone that took the time to read this story. It's not very easy to write a 20,000 word story when you think that nobody is listening. I can't express my gratitude enough to everyone that wrote reviews or added this story to their favorites. All of you made that little difference that pushed me into writing chapter after chapter. Without your support, I might not have finished. Thank you so much. It means a hell of a lot to me (that's probably an understatement).

Sorry for any grammatical errors or typos thus far. I've been writing these chapters as quick as I can, and that doesn't leave much time for proofreading. I hope you enjoy the ending.

--the author

P.S. This chapter was edited November 1, 2006.

* * *

The moment a sliver of the sunrise peaked over the edge of the eastern horizon, Cloud packed his Fenrir. He was so close to his goal that his determination eroded his fatigue from the night before. Putting his sunglasses in place and mounting the Fenrir, something caught his attention. The first trace of the field: a baby daisy, healthy yellow, among the blades of grass. The flowers were starting to appear, so the field couldn't be too far off. The place where Aerith had promised to meet him if he might ever need her. A little smile now attached to his lips, he turned the Fenrir on, and started down the road. 

After she had passed on, Cloud wasn't afraid of Aerith vanishing into memories. All throughout the battles, he had felt her there. She was there with them the whole time, and no one could question whether or not Aerith was watching over them. Back then, Cloud didn't have to worry about forgetting. It was a very comforting feeling for him, knowing that she was still there. And on that fated day, he sensed her love for everything swelling in the Lifestream that gushed over the planet as though her presence was still tangible.

But after the battle's end, Cloud finally found himself missing Aerith. He couldn't feel her like he had before. He feared that she was only existent in his memories, and insecurity made him wonder if she had ever loved him in the first place. All of his life, Cloud had been left alone again and again. Everyone who ever cared for him ended up abandoning him in one form or another, and now Cloud was enduring the pain of feeling like Aerith was lost to him. There were just too many things he was unsure of. Not knowing if she was only a memory meant the difference in whether or not he was alone once more.

Cloud squinted a little. Searching the distance for the field, he saw himself approaching an increasing popularity of yellow daisies. Even though his stomach was using its lining as an alternative food source, the thought of knowing the answers provided enough incentive to override his hunger. Even though he was ready to collapse from drowsiness, the possibility of finally seeing Aerith again gave him the energy to continue onwards. Maybe it was folly to think that she might be in the field waiting for him, but the promise of a slight probability was all he needed. Aerith had _promised_ to meet him in the flower field. He still remembered that day.

He had been on his way back from a delivery, driving down the road on his Fenrir. Cloud was admiring the endlessness of a yellow flower field when an unavoidable impulse struck him. Something was compelling him to stop. Pulling over to the side of the road, he waited for any sort of signal. He closed his eyes, and a gentle vibration oscillated across his mind. It sounded like Aerith. It _felt_ like Aerith.

_If you ever need me, Cloud, I'll be here._

That's what he had felt her say. Or was it a dream? His imagination? Cloud didn't know what it had meant, and he didn't know if it was even real. But he _had_ felt something, and that was plenty. The void left with Aerith's death in his patched-up heart could never be filled by anyone but her, and it was too painful to leave it hollow. Just seeing her once more, knowing that she loved him, would promise him that she wasn't wedged as a peg in his past. She wouldn't be just a memory. Her heart would still be nestled lovingly in his. He missed her. He had loved her. He still loved her...

The sun rose higher and higher in the sky as a determined Cloud refused to stop. It was mostly flowers now, so he couldn't have been too far off. Aerith... He was going to have the chance to see her again. Riding down the road, he tried to piece together what he might say to her. _Aerith, I love you. I have always loved you. So I need to know, do you love me too?_ Although that probably would've been the most direct, appropriate approach, he knew that he was never going to mount the courage to actually say that to her. Would words even be necessary? He just wanted to feel her love. Sensing that would assure him that she was never gone to begin with. It didn't really matter. He would figure it all out as soon as he found her.

By the afternoon, all that was visible in every direction were the rolling hills of the countryside, infested with succulently scented daisies. He was here at last. Cloud pulled over to the side of the road, and shut off the engine of his motorcycle. He reached into his back pocket, and retrieved the beaten-up picture, worn down by creases and folds. Unfurling it, the image of the flower field doubled in his vision: the landscape in the picture and the actual one before him. Yes, this was the place that he had felt Aerith. The place he had documented by taking pictures and grabbing some flowers. But what now?

Suddenly reminded of his impending starvation, Cloud ate some of the food he had brought along with him. As he ate, he wondered what he could possibly expect to see here. Was Aerith just going to spring up out of the ground like a stretching seedling bathed in curls of Lifestream? Maybe her voice would enter his mind again. It's not as though it had never happened before, although it made him feel a little bit schizophrenic at the times he doubted her existence beyond his memories.

Watching the sun move steadily down the second half of its daily course, the hours passed in agony. He waited and waited until dark. Nothing. Not a voice, not her presence. What an idiot he was being... waiting for a ghost to show up in the middle of a flower field. He was so ashamed. How could he have been so stupid?

It was getting late, and he was very tired. As Cloud set up to camp for the evening, he battled with the cruelty of his fate. The fate that doomed him to fall in love with the most wonderful, amazing woman he had ever known only to have her taken away for eternity before he could even let her know how much he cared. He hated these thoughts. He hated what was now appearing to be the truth: Aerith was really gone. He was sentenced to forever live alone. She was only a memory now. Only a memory. Aerith existed only in a _memory_.

His vision couldn't penetrate anything through the dark by the time he lay down to sleep. She was gone. It didn't matter that destiny brought him crashing through a church roof to land upon her. It didn't matter that he had promised himself to cherish her that evening by Cosmo Candle. It didn't matter that they shared a night of fantasy and enchantment together below a glorious display of fireworks. It didn't matter that Cait Sith had predicted a future of romantic perfection for them. It didn't matter that she had entered his dreams to make a broken promise of her return. And it certainly didn't matter that he loved her. All that mattered was that Aerith was gone. Dead. Her spirit must've returned to the planet. Of course it had. How could he possibly think otherwise?

Benumbed against the torment, Cloud forced himself to fall asleep.

_...Cloud?_

_Cloud..._

_Follow my voice._

...? Aerith?

_Don't let go. Follow my voice._

I hear you, Aerith. Where are you?

_Follow my voice._

He was drawn into a blank world, colored only by the white and yellow lilies at his feet. The white sky pulsated with life. Brightness clouded his vision. This couldn't be genuine. It was too surreal. Was he... dreaming?

An ethereal hand grazed the pale surface of his cheek with its long fingertips. Cloud's entire body quivered with ease as all the pain released itself from the knots of anxiety twisted in his soul. He felt... warm, captivated by the unforgettable feeling of the angel affectionately caressing his anguish-tainted heart.

The blinding light subsided, and Cloud found himself wading through an ocean of Aerith's flowers. He had been here once before but only briefly. His eyes focused, and she was there. She was there, looking just as beautiful to him as she always had, wearing the same pink dress with the same satin ribbon in her hair. She smiled that same comforting smile she had shown Cloud countless times in the past, and she leaned in playfully, her hands clasped behind her back, that same way she always used to do it. This wasn't an ordinary dream. Aerith was really there.

Finally seeing her, he impulsively pulled her into an embrace. He hugged her, never wanting to let go, hoping to spend an eternity this close to her. Cloud couldn't have ever hoped for anything greater than to just be in this situation, holding her against him, her curves fitting against his shapely muscles perfectly. Aerith laughed cheerfully, and wrapped her arms around him in reply.

"Aerith..." he breathed into her honey-brown hair. A single tear seeped into the twisted strands of her braid. It was nothing but pure joy. His mind was cleansed of every thought except how much he had missed her. This is what he had been aching to do since the day he realized how much he really loved her. And now, they were finally together, holding one another as no force could pry them apart.

"I know, I know," she crooned lovingly. Her silver bangles clanked together as she rubbed his back, assuring him that it was alright. "You didn't think I would come for a minute there, did you?" He laughed in an uncharacteristic, jittery way. Cloud released his tight grip on Aerith, and examined her every inch with his eyes.

"It had been so long since I felt your presence. I thought... I thought you were just a memory," he said, choking on his nervousness. Smiling in empathetic pity, she cupped his face in her hands.

"What part of 'I know, I know' didn't you get?" she giggled. Aerith knelt down, and tended to the tender petals of her lilies. As she hummed that same melody she had hummed the day Sephiroth took her away, Cloud crouched down to her level, and sat in the flowers with her. Searching his mind for the words, Aerith spoke first.

"The flowers are beautiful, aren't they?" she whispered in admiration. "They grow because there's so much Lifestream in the field here."

"Is that how you're here now?" he asked. Wiping the pollen off her hands, she turned to face him.

"You don't understand, do you, Cloud?" she remarked with a bright smile. "No, I guess you wouldn't. If you did than you wouldn't be so upset all of the time. It's so like you to just doubt yourself." She reached out, and gently placed her hand over his heart. "I'm still here because... we're bound to each other. Haven't you felt it?"

"I thought I was bound to _the memory_ of you," he said. He averted his eyes from her gaze so as to avoid his embarrassment.

"Yeah, that's what I was afraid of." She held the side of his jaw in her palm. "Hey... our bind can't be tarnished by anything... not even death. We'll be together one day, in the Promised Land. Until then, you know that I never really left you."

"I miss you every day," he confessed. The reminder of how it felt to not have her around made his voice crack slightly.

Aerith smiled at him, and she crawled into his arms, nestling her head against his chest. She held one hand close to her, and rubbed his arm with the other one. Cloud's cheeks burned as he felt her warm breath against his neck. It felt so comforting to have her there, but he still felt awkward receiving her affection. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

"Poor Cloud. Always forcing himself into darkness, right? Hey... why don't you just live the life we all care so much about?" she whispered. Cloud wasn't completely sure what she had meant, but his focus was on her warm body huddled against him.

"I don't live my life?"

"You don't share anything with your family. Not with Denzel, Marlene, Barret, and especially not Tifa. Why do you insist that you're alone even when you have so many people who care about you? That's not much of a life." Cloud bowed his head. He knew it was true. He reached up, and scratched the back of that spiky, blond head of his.

"I'm sorry. I just... miss you. I guess that's not much of an excuse." Aerith looked up at Cloud, still comfortable in his arms. He could almost see the memories of their time together swarming across her emerald eyes.

"If only you had spoken like this when I was alive," she mused with a laugh. "I've always been here. I've always been bound to you. Open your eyes, and you'll see that a lot of people care about you. Don't blind yourself to it." Entranced by the bewitching glow of her green eyes, Cloud reached down, and brushed a lock of her bangs away from her face.

"How can I tell them how I feel about you?"

"And how _do you_ feel about me?" she teased. His face blushed a deep red hue, and he looked away from her. Aerith only laughed at his shyness. "You haven't changed a bit."

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

"_Always_," she whispered, her eyes shut as if she was drifting to sleep.

"What did you mean, we'll reunite in the Promised Land?"

"The Promised Land is different for everyone. You can't be told what or where it is, you just feel it. And you've felt it before, maybe you just don't remember. You will though. When you eventually return to the Planet, and we're together again, you'll know what the Promised Land is."

"I hope you're right," he said quietly.

"And now," Aerith paused as she got to her feet, Cloud following her example. "...You have to go back."

"No, not yet. I just... is this the end? I still need to... I need you," he said as he hid the desperation of his plea. Aerith smiled again, staring into his mako-infused eyes, and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"There you go again, acting like I'm going to disappear. We'll be able to be together one day, I promise."

"You promised in that dream that you'd come back from the Forgotten City..." he mumbled.

"And I did. I was always with you. All I want is for you to live. Do me that favor... okay?" Cloud's head sank in agreement, but there was still something that had been lingering on his mind for many years now.

"Aerith, I... I..." He couldn't bring himself to say it. He was still far too nervous, even after all this time he had been wishing that he could tell her. She smiled weakly.

"I love you too, Cloud," she said. Cloud's eyes shot forward, and his heart melted. This was the solace he had been waiting for. _She... loved him_.

Aerith pulled him close, and kissed him softly. His eyes eased shut, and he wrapped his arms around her waist. He felt the world disintegrate, and all of his senses withered away.

_I'm always with you..._

Opening his eyes, Cloud found that it was morning now. The daisies smothering his vision were moist with dew, and the sunrise turned the sky into a pale pink watercolor painting. He sat up, and sighed. It was time to go home now. He packed his things, and left the flower field.

Cloud rode with the wind in his face. Aerith loved him. He loved her. That alone was all he would ever need to keep going. He had never been in the absence of his flower girl because their love had always bound their hearts. Cloud had a life to live, and he would share it with his family and the woman he loved, her consciousness still active inside his own. No boundary could sever the bind between them.

Still blissfully numb with the dream from the night before, Cloud suddenly remembered a moment so irenic in his past. A moment he could fall into all over again...

The journey was done. The battle was over. Sephiroth's will broke apart, and melded with the Lifestream. The burden slushed, and slipped off his shoulders. His mind was soothed and his head was turned up towards the sky, watching the last gasp of Sephiroth's red energy sputter and splash into the darkness.

It was all done now. He had defeated Sephiroth. After five years of searing with hate, his conflict was done, and he could be at peace. Yet, he was still alone. And Aerith... was still gone.

Green, almost azure, beams of the planet's energy encircled Cloud, wrapping around his entire body, and bursting into effervescent dust. Bubbles of Lifestream fluttered about him.

"...Lifestream?" Cloud whispered to himself. The waves of spirit energy vanished, and the everything turned pale. Lost in a sea of white splendor, he felt a loving presence reaching down to him, trying to guide him back to reality. His chest felt hollow, and his lungs were satiated with his melted heart. The hairs on the back of his neck pricked, but he felt warm and calm. Every wound he carried, from the battles, the moments of desperation, and his smashed love, was soothed and polished by warmth. He recognized this feeling instantly, and his heart filled with hope and promise. _Aerith_...

He reached upwards, happily and desperately believing in this impossible dream. Her long, feminine arm broke through the fog of his mind, and reached down to him. _And he smiled_.

Reality shook under him. Tifa was there, calling his name, trying to tell him that the ground beneath him was collapsing. The ground under her crumbled. Reacting as quickly as he could, he ran and caught her, grasping onto the edge of the cliff to save them both.

They dangled there for a moment, Tifa clinging to his side.

"I think I'm beginning to understand," Cloud said, his head bowed.

"What?" Tifa asked. For that brief moment in which he and Aerith reached for each other, Cloud had felt completely at peace with everything. There for that brief moment, he was swallowed by absolute serenity. Maybe... the Lifestream had carried his mind into the Promised Land, a land of eternal happiness and lushness. Maybe... the Promised Land brought Aerith to him. Maybe... Aerith was all he needed to be happy.

"An answer from the planet..." he began. "The Promised Land... I think I can meet her... _there_."


End file.
